PNewL PNewS
Volume 20 No. 4
“All the pnews that phits.” December 2012
The Latest Story
of the Extremely Large Hound
I heard someone on the radio say
something like “It seems we can have several different emotions or feelings or
reactions all at one moment.” Ain’t that the truth. The extremely large hound
and I are out on a walk and it’s cold and quiet and beautiful and I am worried
and scared and happy and sad and thoughtful. And this is all before breakfast!
Let me start at the
beginning. A couple months ago, Bear gave me his paw, like he always does when
there is a thorn in it. There was no thorn in it though. I wasn’t sure what it
was but I convinced him he was going to be fine. Later, I noticed he was
limping slightly and his “wrist” joint looked swollen. I took him to the vet, a
new vet whose office might be slightly less stressful than the big bright busy
place of long frantic waits we have gone to up until now. She said it might be
a strain and to try aspirin. This was encouraging—the other place charged for
fancy drugs. Three weeks later, it seemed time to go back. No change. She said
they would need to take an x-ray.
It’s osteosarcoma—bone cancer—a
painful aggressive sort that occurs in large dogs, especially rottweilers,
which Bear’s mother was reported to be, especially in dogs that were neutered
early, which we did because he was a total pain in the neck. (His were the
cutest little macadamia nuts they removed that day according to the vet.) I
noted that when we contacted specialists at the vet school in Raleigh, they
didn’t bother to respond. He’s a textbook case. As Chris said, there’s not a
lot in the Western medicine toolbox for this.
After I got the diagnosis, I left
Bear there for an ultrasound and chest x-ray. I called Gini from a parking lot
en route home. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t think. I
shouldn’t drive. I know he is “just a dog” and people go through this all the
time, but this is Sir Baru Bear the extremely large hound, my best friend, the
light of my life. I know there are horrific things happening to humans who are
important to people I care about. I knew he was going to live a short life but
this is about 2 years short of a short life and that’s not fair. I know life is
not fair but this is Sir Baru…oh wait, I already said that. On the one hand, I
know it all; on the other, I can still write this with tears in my eyes and a
heavy weight in my heart. I so want different outcomes.
Tests were inconclusive as to
whether the cancer had spread but I was touched that the x-rays brought tears
to the eyes of all those at one vet office and several at others, including my
neighbor vet who’s a big seemingly tough guy. Treatments include chemo and/or
radiation and/or amputation. I confirmed with others who know much more than I
that Bear is not a great candidate for amputation. Apparently if you get bone
cancer it’s better to get it in your back leg, and maybe not carry most of the
125 lbs in your chest. Make a note.
Things have calmed and we are in a
pattern: Bear gets everything he wants and I am his slave. If I want to pretend
I have my own life, I have to leave the house, which serves two purposes: I get
to act normal and he gets much needed rest.
I took him to the…pet communicator
(I call her a dog whisperer but the previous term is what she calls herself).
It was remarkably comforting. When she saw the x-rays she just looked at me and
said, I am so sorry. Yeah me too. When she started talking to Bear, he stopped
pacing and lay down. When I started asking end of life questions, he came over
to me and lay down with his head on my foot. I believe this stuff.
She was impressed at how in
sync we are with our thoughts about treatment and the future. Bear has had a
happy life he feels is complete. He is, of course, more worried about me
(though has interesting ways of showing it). He also added that he would like
more meat. So it’s pain management, keep the dog calm, and meat. The calm part is
impossible. He has bizarre bursts of energy that would challenge any human to
stop. One of the vets said, “You have to do what’s right for your
situation—amputation, chemo, radiation or palliative care, keeping the dog
calm…or some people even let them just run.” We are opting for the last plus
the drugs. If it’s only a little while, let him do it as he likes.
I could go on about this but this is
probably more than enough. Meanwhile, hug your furry (or feathered?) friends
for me. And if you don’t have one of those, well, I spose you could hug a
human. Hohoho.
Things I am Learning
& Miscellaneous Observations
• I
recently listened to two Rick Bragg books on tape: Prince of Frog Town and All over but the Shoutin’ both of which are about his rough and tumble
childhood and growing up in extreme poverty, part of that time under the thumb
of an abusive alcoholic father (and a daring and doting mother). They were
entertaining and heartbreaking all at once (highly recommend). At the same
time, I was reading letters of intent as a grants committee member. The
services these organizations want to offer to counties in Western North
Carolina were inspiring and eye-opening, the need so great. I find myself being
incredibly grateful for where I landed in the universe. What great good luck!
• The
other morning, the birds emptied the small feeder in under an hour and the
larger feeder in under three hours. I was impressed. The bummer is that filling
the feeders gets Bear so riled up I am afraid he might hurt himself so I can’t
do it as often as these busy birds need me to. Alas.
•
Sounds of the wild and not so wild. This morning I heard what I think must be
coyotes… An owl or is it two? And then…a donkey? I am such a suburbanite…
• I am
working on a theory that some of us are more affected by gravity than others.
This would excuse my miserable and brief attempt at tap dancing. The research
started a while back when I was skipping. Skipping is harder than it used to
be. Seems I leave the earth and immediately return. There used to be more time
airborne.
•
Whilst picking up garbage along my road, I have been introduced to a new
category in the grocery store— flavored malt liquor/beverage. One can contained
“Twisted Tea”—half tea, half malt beverage. I brought the other one inside
because I can’t seem to remember the words on the label—Fruit Punch Four Loko
Malt Beverage with Artificial Flavors, 12% alcohol. Yum. I know I have seen
similar things in the Liquor Store (we have ABC stores here in North
Carolina)—bubble gum flavored vodka, for instance. It’s a concept.
•
Speaking of things I find along the road. There is a guy (I assume) who drinks
a beer on his way home from work (I assume) and he pops the cap back on the
bottle and threw it on the hillside. Up until recently, it was a tall good
brew—like Fat Tire, Anchor Steam or Sierra Nevada. I applauded his taste, while
snarling at the litter. Recently, this has changed (the economy?) and for a
while I found tall cans of Bud Lite Platinum (seriously?) but since there was
no cap, I couldn’t be sure it was the same guy. This morning: a tall bright
blue bottle of the aforementioned Bud product…with the cap firmly reattached.
• My
neighbor the falconer got his bird! Her name is Rocket Girl (they will all be
named for beers) and she is a GORGEOUS juvenile red-tailed hawk. She will live
in the mews til spring when she will return to the wild and the whole process
will repeat next fall. Meanwhile, she is practicing hunting though as of this
writing has not been successful (bunnies are fast!), but she returns when Jeff
whistles. I know this is too much information but it is so foreign and
fascinating, I had to share.
• There
is a group in San Francisco, of course, that is throwing Device Free Drinks
parties. (NY Times 12/16, Style section) After partiers detached from their
WMDs (wireless mobile devices), they were encouraged to have
conversations—there were conversation icebreakers available—or play games or
draw or type on a typewriter.. I approve. This is a trend that needs to spread.
Things I am Thankful For
* I survived the Asheville
Quilt Show (and signed up to do some of it again—see resolution about learning
to say no below)
* Weather--I understand
people liking the change of seasons. A whole new set of clothes I forgot about.
* Blacksmithing!!
* The extremely large hound
* My Mayberry life
* Not just the library but
the service it provides. The kids who come in for Story Time are so happy to be
there. It’s inspiring, uplifting.
* I’m going to Cuba in
January!!
In a local paper, there is a
Best of Asheville competition each year and after something has won its
category for so many years running, they are automatically in the Hall of Fame.
These are my HOF thankfuls.
* Friends
* Family (some of them)
* Knowing so many who do such
amazingly good work
* Knowing so many who are so
generous with money, time, talents
* Opportunity (still and
again)
* The circumstances I was
born into
New Year's Resolutions
* Hang out in coffee shops
* Dance more
* Laugh more
* Close them doors and let
the windows open
(Repeats from last year)
* Learn to say
no....diplomatically
* Quilt more
* Have more fun
* More adventures
* Read NY Times Magazines in the year in which they were published
"Boundaries; you always have
boundaries. Let someone else choose them and they're restrictions. Choose them
yourself and they're principles." Unknown
