PNewL PNewS 23-5. Happy New Year!

PNewL PNewS

Volume 23 No. 5                         “All the pnews that phits.”                                January 2016

               A New Year, a New Obsession

What’s the best way to follow a pretty unhappy holiday season? Change your diet…drastically. It will take away all memories of that hot sticky unhappiness and set you on a new course for the new year. It will distract you beyond your wildest imagination. It will make you feel worse before you feel better. It’s a major rollercoaster of a way to start 2016, both physically and mentally. Remember this is all about me—you don’t have to do it, because I am. And it is all of the above and more.

A couple months ago I was at the doctor’s and we were talking about my health and he said, we can fix a lot of that through diet…but (I don’t remember what he said—something like) it’s going to be big. After a bit of back and forth, I asked where wine fit in, he looked at me funny: “It doesn’t—not for a while.” I knew it was going to be big. He told me to get these two books, one of which I have not managed to read and the other I’ve read most of—a lot is recipes so that was easy reading. The recipes have almost all been good. The rest of the words make a lot of sense.

            So I practiced on the recipes, quit wine during the week, in preparation for a January 1 start date. We figured starting even before sad holidays would be setting me up for a possible disaster. Even making the small changes made my clothes fit better. I was intrigued.

            While I was in Florida, I kept reading the book (Whole30 by Hartwick & Hartwick) and telling Gini about it. She’s a science-oriented person and the more research she did on it, the more she thought it made sense and the more she wanted to do it. She wound up starting a day ahead of me. She cleaned out her freezer, fridge and pantry. I shoved everything “non-compliant” aside. I did remove things I thought might present temptation down the road.

            A short version of the idea behind it (this is short and though hopefully not inaccurate, it is incomplete and it is my interpretation): Eliminate a lot of food options to encourage my body to use fat for fuel rather than sugar. It’s a habit reset, a detox of a variety of food habits/addictions. And the stuff eliminated? Dairy, grains, legumes, sugar (alcohol), soy, very limited vegetable oil, (there must be something else—I never seem to be able to list all the Nos in one list). It’s Paleo plus (or minus). Apparently in Paleo there is some room for desserts, breads etc if made from the right ingredients. Whole30? None, nada, never. In the book and on the website, there is much discussion of pancakes. Apparently folks want to figure out how to make a compliant pancake and the beast doesn’t exist. It is not allowed. Ever.

            So I got home and went through my kitchen. I did throw out anything in the freezer from 2013 and anything I didn’t recognize. I emptied the top shelf of the fridge and one shelf in the pantry. And then I went to the store. This is an epic experience. I hope it gets easier. Reading labels is crazy. Reading labels during the week between Christmas and New Year’s annoys just about everyone, especially at some place like Trader Joe’s. Ask me how I know. Sugar, wheat and soy is in EVERYTHING including supplements. After spending a bundle at TJ’s and the healthy grocery store and a little at the regular grocery store, I was ready to go, and it was only December 30^th. I had a martini (or two) and decided to start the following day. I was a wreck.

            And I was a wreck for about four days. I was totally obsessed with cooking and meal plans and cleaning up (which is not my strong suit), and reading labels (still, just in case. I did find some sugar in a TJ’s spaghetti sauce I had read was okay. Dang.) In the book, there is a timeline of how you are going to feel each day based on thousands of others who have done this. It has played out pretty accurately so far. I am writing this on Day 12 and the timeline says I could be having weird food dreams and I did have a food dream last night but I only vaguely remember it. It also says this is the time for weird cravings. I am not sure of that but I do find when I hear something—a woman in the book I am listening to took a heckuva long time to make a martini yesterday which made me think about it—it sounds kind of interesting but when I come up with things on my own that I used to eat a lot, it doesn’t always sound tempting. Wine does not sound interesting at all. Weird, eh?

            Day 12 of 30, and then re-entry when I leave for Mexico, the land of beans and grains. Is this sustainable? I don’t know. It’s not all that fun when I go out into the world. I don’t like being the person who grills the waiter about the recipe for the meal, but maybe I will. Patsy and Ernie and I go to a restaurant all the time and I have been thinking about stopping in and asking some questions before we go there. I admit, despite a slight headache right this very moment (probably from sitting at the computer too long), I do feel better in general. For the first time in a long time, I think I may need a belt (as in around my middle, not at a bar). My psyche feels lighter – yeah, I’m not sure what that means either, but go with it. I haven’t yelled at anyone on the phone. It all feels right to me. We shall see what the future brings.

This would normally be where my “Things I am Thankful For” and new year’s resolutions reside. If you really miss it, read last year’s edition. Same same. Here’s to you for reading this!

Things I am Learning

& Miscellaneous Observations

• I forgot to mention in the last PNewS that I actually bought a new car. As I mentioned in the issue before that, it was a huge decision because I was attached to my old car in an emotional way. Actually, it was pretty easy. (Well, it wasn’t really because I went to two different dealerships that paid us little attention. One did not have the car I wanted and the other didn’t seem interested in showing me any of the gobs they had on the lot. What’s that about?) Once I found the car I wanted, I drove it, signed some papers, gave the folks a pile of money and drove away. It occurred to me the last time I bought a car (new 1992 Toyota truck), the newest innovation was cup-holders. Cars have come a long way, baby.

• My wonderful neighbors came to me and said they were planning to do some clearing on the property behind my house. They wanted me to know exactly what they had in mind. It is their property and really, they can do whatever they want but it was so kind of them to keep me in the loop. Susan said they wanted a project—I know that feeling. Jeff said they are putting in a mobile home park, a tasteful one. Sure Jeff.

They hired a nice man with a lot of big equipment. In the way that contractors probably get sick of hearing, I said, “As long as you are here…” and soon, the hump in the middle of the backyard was gone! That hump, which I had tried to put steps up to the top, turning it into a garden, was in the way. When I was buying the house, we joked that Ray had buried his ex-wife there. Then somehow I got it in my head there was a big tree stump that Ray had buried rather than pull out. Turns out there was a rock the size of a kitchen stove under there. I missed its removal but we all loved the idea of Ray sitting up there shaking his head and laughing. He knew what was under there and why—it weighed a ton. But it’s now at the entrance to the future Big Rock Mobile Home Park & Jamboree and my backyard is wide open and ready for…a project.

• I got new glasses recently. I am tired of taking off and putting on readers. And as the woman who sells me glasses likes to point out, there is correction in the other part of the glasses. I’m on trifocals/progressives. Proof that I am old. I really like ‘em but I feel like my eyes are getting lazy (or maybe just old). I can see perfectly fine without them but when I take them off and, say, try to watch TV, well, it all gets a little warbly.

• Fostering update: Over Thanksgiving, I took on two foster puppies. I know, I know. I said, no more puppies. And then I got two--because they are small? Because two keep each other company? I am bleeping nuts, I agree. Anyway, they were “black lab mixes/eight weeks old” (all black shelter dogs are lab mixes and all shelter puppies are eight weeks old), and they needed a home between vaccinations…over the holiday. This was yet another challenging situation. They were nowhere near house trained—despite going out every 15 minutes whether we needed to or not, they pooped, peed and threw up constantly (often while looking right at me…who me?). They could climb out of the pen I had set up in the kitchen and they were strong and determined. They harassed Roger mercilessly so that he wound up spending most of the 12 days on my bed. And they were hilarious and cute. I have to nudge myself to say all the annoying parts because they were funny and that part is easier to remember.

     I was going to name them Mutt and Jeff but when I got home, four-year-old neighbor Henry was hanging out and I thought he might like naming one. He picked Hagrid because that was the name of his grandmother’s old dog, so they were Hagrid and Jeff. The woman at the shelter who checked them back in liked the names. Meanwhile, I am in the process of removing the carpet and replacing it with liquid resistant flooring. I am prepared for the next invasion, but not quite yet…

• I spent Christmas on Sanibel. I am not going to go into many details as it was not my favorite experience there. Man, it was hot..and humid…in December. One of my favorite parts was the 75^th birthday party we threw for Carol. Gini, I think, had this idea to collect 75 things to give her. We asked the folks who were coming to look around for things to add. Carolyn said, I’m in for ten. Soon, we had more than enough. When we told the checker at Bailey’s what we were doing, she donated a re-useable grocery bag. It was hilarious the things people had in their homes that they were willing to part with. We laughed…a lot.

• I am getting a little tired of auto correct. Now I need to proof a msg not just for my mistakes but the crazy things that Safari decides to do with my typing.

• I think the reason AARP exists is to prepare you for being a Senior--they hit you up long before you are ready and soften you to the idea that it's coming. I don’t know what the definition of Senior is but I feel like it’s coming a little early. I called the company that delivers propane and during a conversation about something else, I asked them what the 6+ on my bill was for. She said “senior discount.” I don’t mind discounts but, I am not 6+…or am I? I am thinking I may try coloring my hair.

“Yours is the harder course, I can see. On the other hand, mine is happening to me.” Philip Larkin