PNewL PNewS
Volume 23 No. 5 “All the pnews that phits.” January
2016
A New Year, a New Obsession
What’s
the best way to follow a pretty unhappy holiday season? Change your
diet…drastically. It will take away all memories of that hot sticky unhappiness
and set you on a new course for the new year. It will distract you beyond your
wildest imagination. It will make you feel worse before you feel better. It’s a
major rollercoaster of a way to start 2016, both physically and mentally.
Remember this is all about me—you don’t have to do it, because I am. And it is
all of the above and more.
A
couple months ago I was at the doctor’s and we were talking about my health and
he said, we can fix a lot of that through diet…but (I don’t remember what he
said—something like) it’s going to be big. After a bit of back and forth, I
asked where wine fit in, he looked at me funny: “It doesn’t—not for a while.” I
knew it was going to be big. He told me to get these two books, one of which I
have not managed to read and the other I’ve read most of—a lot is recipes so
that was easy reading. The recipes have almost all been good. The rest of the
words make a lot of sense.
So I practiced on the recipes, quit wine during the week,
in preparation for a January 1 start date. We figured starting even before sad
holidays would be setting me up for a possible disaster. Even making the small
changes made my clothes fit better. I was intrigued.
While I was in Florida, I kept reading the book (Whole30
by Hartwick & Hartwick) and telling Gini about it. She’s a science-oriented
person and the more research she did on it, the more she thought it made sense
and the more she wanted to do it. She wound up starting a day ahead of me. She cleaned out her freezer, fridge and pantry. I shoved everything
“non-compliant” aside. I did remove things I thought might present temptation
down the road.
A short version of the idea behind it (this is short and
though hopefully not inaccurate, it is incomplete and it is my interpretation):
Eliminate a lot of food options to encourage my body to use fat for fuel rather
than sugar. It’s a habit reset, a detox of a variety of food habits/addictions.
And the stuff eliminated? Dairy, grains, legumes, sugar (alcohol), soy, very
limited vegetable oil, (there must be something else—I never seem to be able to
list all the Nos in one list). It’s Paleo plus (or minus). Apparently in Paleo
there is some room for desserts, breads etc if made from the right ingredients.
Whole30? None, nada, never. In the book and on the website, there is much
discussion of pancakes. Apparently folks want to figure out how to make a
compliant pancake and the beast doesn’t exist. It is not allowed. Ever.
So I got home and went through my kitchen. I did throw
out anything in the freezer from 2013 and anything I didn’t recognize. I
emptied the top shelf of the fridge and one shelf in the pantry. And then I
went to the store. This is an epic experience. I hope it gets easier. Reading
labels is crazy. Reading labels during the week between Christmas and New
Year’s annoys just about everyone, especially at some place like Trader Joe’s.
Ask me how I know. Sugar, wheat and soy is in EVERYTHING including supplements.
After spending a bundle at TJ’s and the healthy grocery store and a little at
the regular grocery store, I was ready to go, and it was only December 30th.
I had a martini (or two) and decided to start the following day. I was a wreck.
And I was a wreck for about four days. I was totally
obsessed with cooking and meal plans and cleaning up (which is not my strong
suit), and reading labels (still, just in case. I did find some sugar in a TJ’s
spaghetti sauce I had read was okay. Dang.) In the book, there is a timeline of
how you are going to feel each day based on thousands of others who have done
this. It has played out pretty accurately so far. I am writing this on Day 12
and the timeline says I could be having weird food dreams and I did have a food
dream last night but I only vaguely remember it. It also says this is the time
for weird cravings. I am not sure of that but I do find when I hear something—a
woman in the book I am listening to took a heckuva long time to make a martini
yesterday which made me think about it—it sounds kind of interesting but when I
come up with things on my own that I used to eat a lot, it doesn’t always sound
tempting. Wine does not sound interesting at all. Weird, eh?
Day 12 of 30, and then re-entry when I leave for Mexico,
the land of beans and grains. Is this sustainable? I don’t know. It’s not all
that fun when I go out into the world. I don’t like being the person who grills
the waiter about the recipe for the meal, but maybe I will. Patsy and Ernie and
I go to a restaurant all the time and I have been thinking about stopping in
and asking some questions before we go there. I admit, despite a slight headache
right this very moment (probably from sitting at the computer too long), I do
feel better in general. For the first time in a long time, I think I may need a
belt (as in around my middle, not at a bar). My psyche feels lighter – yeah,
I’m not sure what that means either, but go with it. I haven’t yelled at anyone
on the phone. It all feels right to me. We shall see what the future brings.
This would normally be
where my “Things I am Thankful For” and new year’s resolutions reside. If you
really miss it, read last year’s edition. Same same. Here’s to you for reading
this!
Things I am Learning
& Miscellaneous Observations
• I forgot to mention in the
last PNewS that I actually bought a
new car. As I mentioned in the issue before that, it was a huge decision
because I was attached to my old car in an emotional way. Actually, it was
pretty easy. (Well, it wasn’t really because I went to two different
dealerships that paid us little attention. One did not have the car I wanted
and the other didn’t seem interested in showing me any of the gobs they had on
the lot. What’s that about?) Once I found the car I wanted, I drove it, signed
some papers, gave the folks a pile of money and drove away. It occurred to me
the last time I bought a car (new 1992 Toyota truck), the newest innovation was
cup-holders. Cars have come a long way, baby.
• My wonderful neighbors came
to me and said they were planning to do some clearing on the property behind my
house. They wanted me to know exactly what they had in mind. It is their
property and really, they can do whatever they want but it was so kind of them
to keep me in the loop. Susan said they wanted a project—I know that feeling.
Jeff said they are putting in a mobile home park, a tasteful one. Sure Jeff.
They
hired a nice man with a lot of big equipment. In the way that contractors
probably get sick of hearing, I said, “As long as you are here…” and soon, the
hump in the middle of the backyard was gone! That hump, which I had tried to
put steps up to the top, turning it into a garden, was in the way. When I was
buying the house, we joked that Ray had buried his ex-wife there. Then somehow
I got it in my head there was a big tree stump that Ray had buried rather than
pull out. Turns out there was a rock the size of a kitchen stove under there. I
missed its removal but we all loved the idea of Ray sitting up there shaking
his head and laughing. He knew what
was under there and why—it weighed a ton. But it’s now at the entrance to the
future Big Rock Mobile Home Park & Jamboree and my backyard is wide open
and ready for…a project.
• I got new glasses recently.
I am tired of taking off and putting on readers. And as the woman who sells me
glasses likes to point out, there is
correction in the other part of the glasses. I’m on trifocals/progressives.
Proof that I am old. I really like ‘em but I feel like my eyes are getting lazy
(or maybe just old). I can see perfectly fine without them but when I take them
off and, say, try to watch TV, well, it all gets a little warbly.
• Fostering update: Over Thanksgiving, I took on two foster puppies. I
know, I know. I said, no more puppies. And then I got two--because they are
small? Because two keep each other company? I am bleeping nuts, I agree.
Anyway, they were “black lab mixes/eight weeks old” (all black shelter dogs are
lab mixes and all shelter puppies are eight weeks old), and they needed a home
between vaccinations…over the holiday. This was yet another challenging
situation. They were nowhere near house trained—despite going out every 15
minutes whether we needed to or not, they pooped, peed and threw up constantly
(often while looking right at me…who me?). They could climb out of the pen I
had set up in the kitchen and they were strong and determined. They harassed
Roger mercilessly so that he wound up spending most of the 12 days on my bed.
And they were hilarious and cute. I have to nudge myself to say all the
annoying parts because they were funny and that part is easier to remember.
I was going to name them Mutt
and Jeff but when I got home, four-year-old neighbor Henry was hanging out and
I thought he might like naming one. He picked Hagrid because that was the name
of his grandmother’s old dog, so they were Hagrid and Jeff. The woman at the
shelter who checked them back in liked the names. Meanwhile, I am in the
process of removing the carpet and replacing it with liquid resistant flooring.
I am prepared for the next invasion, but not quite yet…
• I spent Christmas on Sanibel. I am not going to go into many details as
it was not my favorite experience there. Man, it was hot..and humid…in December.
One of my favorite parts was the 75th birthday party we threw for
Carol. Gini, I think, had this idea to collect 75 things to give her. We asked
the folks who were coming to look around for things to add. Carolyn said, I’m
in for ten. Soon, we had more than enough. When we told the checker at Bailey’s
what we were doing, she donated a re-useable grocery bag. It was hilarious the
things people had in their homes that they were willing to part with. We
laughed…a lot.
• I
am getting a little tired of auto correct. Now I need to proof a msg not just
for my mistakes but the crazy things that Safari decides to do with my typing.
• I
think the reason AARP exists is to prepare you for being a Senior--they hit you up long before you are ready and soften you to the idea that it's coming. I don’t know
what the definition of Senior is but I feel like it’s coming a little early. I called the
company that delivers propane and during a conversation about something else, I
asked them what the 6+ on my bill was for. She said “senior discount.” I don’t mind
discounts but, I am not 6+…or am I? I am thinking I may try coloring my hair.
“Yours is the
harder course, I can see. On the other
hand, mine is happening to me.” Philip Larkin
