PNewL PNewS
Volume 26 Issue 3 “All the pnews that phits.” September 2018
Queen of Good Enough
While mowing the other day, I wrote a brilliant version of the PNewS. ‘Course, whilst perched upon my riding mower, I could not write anything down or even record it so it’s all lost but the gist of it is…I am a perfectionist wanna be, but truly, I am the Queen of Good Enough.
As I was taking fast turns and avoiding roots and rocks, I kept thinking I would go back and weed whack those parts I skipped but chances are not good that this will happen. I have other stuff to do, it’s bleeping hot, I can catch it next time around and (my favorite because this is how I got here), it’s all going to grow right back. I am trying to eliminate lawn and every time I tend to mow less and then it looks like hell and well, that’s just the way it is. But it looks better than before I mowed so generally I’m happy.
Today the nice man from down the road came by. He’s a stone wizard. I am hoping he will make some order out of at least some of this madness. As we were talking about “next steps,” he said, well first we need to be able to see what’s here. Good point—the weeds have the upper hand…for now. He said he’d be willing to help. The lawnmower fix-it man said the same thing. It must be bad that people who barely know me take pity on me and offer to help, but to me, in some ways, it’s good enough.
But it’s not just the yard where I tend to think I can live with Good Enough. Cleaning? You betcha. Following a recipe? Yep. That applies to pretty much anything with instructions. I have a quilt that used to live on my bed, then moved to the guest room and is now in the closet til winter. When sewing on the binding, I ran out of thread about two inches from the end and I figured I’d get to it one day. That day has apparently not happened yet. I am in a couple knitting Facebook groups and people are often mentioning how many rows they had to “tink “ (Knitting backwards aka frogging “ripit ripit”—aren’t knitters funny?) to get to a mistake they had made. Seriously? Who is going to notice it? Well, okay someone might and I might even, but can I live with it? Indeed!
I truly wish I were burdened with perfectionism. It seems so…admirable and unattainable and thus so human to want it. Alas, I have decided that Good Enough works for me. And so it shall be.
Things I am Learning
& Miscellaneous Observations
• A friend of mine, whose counsel I value told me recently that her mother’s words to live by were, "Don't be a pain in the ass." It’s a good reminder that I don’t need to make anyone’s day worse. I am trying so hard—and I find it is hard work. I don’t send emails as quickly (or I wind up sending an apologetic one later), I haven’t screamed too loudly at anyone in traffic. This morning I was so darn friendly when the nice person at the tire store told me my van has snow tires on it which turn out are softer than regular tires which makes them wear faster. I said, “Weeeee! New Tires. Bring em on!” I did. And the woman at the front desk who was having a bad day actually smiled at my enthusiasm and maybe I made the last several pains in her behind a distant memory…at least for a moment. But as I said, this is hard work. I am not accustomed to cutting people slack--mostly I want them to get out of my way and let me be.
And when I got home with my beautiful new Made in America tires, I had to deal with a project that sometimes feels endless because of people who only answer one of the four questions I ask in an email, or who charge my credit card twice (“Oops! Not sure how that happened!”), or who just generally take five extra steps to do something that should only take a few. I am trying to not be a pain, but perhaps I should share this mantra with them so they could stop being a pain in my…neck. (One of my friend’s mother’s other quotable quotes/mantras: when asked what her charitable giving strategy was: “Write more zeroes.” Please feel free to borrow either. They are free…and challenging!)
• One of the many things that is a trigger for my being-a-pain behavior is having my credit card declined. I do all the right things, set up the travel notice, write down every flippin state and province I am going to be in and the third time I use it to get gas just minutes from the Canadian border, I get declined. I should have taken a deep breath and thought of Becky’s mom being all calm cool and collected, but no, I dialed that number and got kinda hysterical on this poor woman at the credit card company, and she kept saying “No problem” and I explained to her that it was no problem to herbecause she wasn’t about to be miles from anywhere with no access to credit or a phone. Sigh. It wasn’t pretty. I would like to explain to her that this is an issue for me and it had nothing to do with her but she is in some far away country and I don’t remember her name, so to you whoever and wherever you are, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. My apologies.
• I am among the many who have been lured into the deep dark web of Amazon Prime. I like fast “free” shipping and no I don’t want credit on something to wait five days, and I don’t like those “Oops it’s going to be late, but it’s on its way” emails on the day something is supposed to arrive because a) I like practically instant gratification—which by the way you enabled by offering it, and b) you knew before today that it was going to be late so ‘fess up and don’t mess with me. Recently I ordered some fabric and a fascinator online. (The latter because Ann has two and I wanted one, and who knows when I might be invited to a Royal wedding?) One came from San Diego, the other from Paducah. I believe they came by stagecoach. Epically slow service and shipping. The funny thing was that it was such a mystery when or if they were going to show up, I was tickled when they finally arrived. Maybe there’s something to slowing expectations down a bit.
• Does it ever make you wonder who decided where the boundaries are when it comes to autocorrect? Sometimes I get close to a word which my phone autocorrect would fix, but it doesn’t on my laptop and it may or may not on an iPad…another first world problem.
• I am at the stage in trip planning/prep when I feel like it would be easier to stay home. I’m almost a little afraid. This too shall pass…it always does and it is, 99% of the time, the right thing to do—to go.
• My lawn, which is partly grass and mostly weeds but they are green and cover dirt, looks fabulous this year. Relatedly, we have had record-breaking rain. Twenty inches in 15 days in May. July was the second rainiest month in history. This is proof that lawns are not a sustainable thing.
• I got an invitation to a Country Club…in Asheville! Who knew such a thing existed? Who knew that I knew anyone who belonged? I was honored to be among a small group of people at a very nice lunch, but I am jumping ahead. As I drove there, I got a little anxious. I have not been to a Country Club since most of my friends of the older generation died. While those places are not unfamiliar to me, I never belonged to one and while many of my friend’s families belonged when I was growing up, I never felt like I belonged there. I always felt like I was going to do something wrong and get in trouble. As I walked in to this one—through the wrong door of course, it was so familiar—the deep carpet, the hushed tones, the dark wood, and silver winner’s cups. Very tasteful, nothing over the top, but comfortable luxury. A bit awkward in anticipation, but I was fine once I sat down to lunch and we got into the conversations of how to improve the world.
• I am a late adopter of emojis. I always thought they were kind of hokey, but like a lot of things I feel that way about, eventually I’m using them too. I like the crazy one, and the green barf one, but that giant green check when I type “done”? A bit much—overstating, in my humble opinion.
• It is always surprising to me when friends pay attention to the Perseid meteor shower. To me, it is an Osawa family thing, lying on the dock, watching shooting stars. I didn’t know it was a thing for other people!?! Osawa is not the center of the universe???
• I like technology though I am beginning to think I am not very good at it. This year, I brought all my gizmos to the wilds of Ontario far from connectivity and found that the Kindle I got at the Unclaimed Baggage Store* has lots of books on it but they are archived which means I can’t access them unless there is wifi, which I did not have. And I downloaded half of several audiobooks before the Travel Pass said I hit my limit for the day and would need to wait til tomorrow or pay them more money today. (Either way, it costs…) Oh and en route with the Travel Pass, I ran out of data midway through my drive and the map on the van GPS had no idea where I was. Lesson learned. Bring hard copy books and maps.
• My friend Joseph, sent me a link to an online collection of writing called Bitter Southerner and I have become a bit of a fan (check it out). He was researching the South as he was going to be doing some work there and he wanted to be prepared. As a relatively new resident (TEN years, surprisingly, but that’s not long for the South), I didn’t feel like an expert but I said, “It’s possible you will assume some are stupid because of how they sound...sometimes you are right, sometimes not. I am in northern GA/near TN now and we went to the Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro AL* yesterday and in some of these places, it’s hard to understand folks their accents are so strong. When we stopped for a side of the road hot dog, Gini asked me if I noticed the woman at the stand and I said no because I couldn’t stop focusing on the man's teeth (or lack thereof). It is in some ways a different world. But I think you might find people friendlier (helps being white). Parts, like where we are now, are lovely. Parts are unspeakably poor. Hard to imagine it’s considered a First World country. It’s ‘good for you’ (and all of us) to see this stuff...after I drove thru small roads of western Kentucky and Southern Illinois, I understood why some folks vote the way they do.”
• It is a season of non-profit events which involves standing around chatting. When I excused myself this evening, I said to one of the organizers that these were just not my thing—loud rooms of a lot of people chatting. There were lots of familiar nods: hard of hearing old person. Nope, not my issue yet. I just would rather hang out with a few than try to have a conversation of any depth standing around with a beverage and a nosh.
• On a similar topic: From an online article on introverts and socializing: “Literally anything is better than small talk.”
• I went to the doctor last month, which I describe as a less than positive experience. The one thing she said which has stuck with me was that something she was offering provided accountability. I think as a privileged person with adult onset ADD, I have a lot of opportunity not to stay on tracks that matter to me so my challenge is finding people who want to stay on some track or other and support each other.
• Why is it that the Roger Dog is so good at knowing when I am actually focused on something? He goes to his ottoman (which I learned in a mystery audiobook is something only affluent people have and it’s for my dog…) and sits at the window and barks until I come to find out what’s the matter and he looks at me like, “What? That wasn’t me.”
• Is 5000 staples a lifetime supply for a home stapler? I borrowed this stapler from a company I worked for in southern CA and apparently either borrowed the staples or bought a box at that time (early ‘80s) and I still have half left…
* In May, Gini and I met up in Chattanooga and on Lookout Mountain for our annual retreat. We had our usual fun with dogs in, this time, VRBO houses. Two different ones, to be specific. Chattanooga is an up and coming place—construction going on everywhere—with a fab aquarium. Highly recommend. Lookout Mountain is lovely and peaceful and includes Cloudland Canyon State Park, which is also very nice, and my blacksmithing/welding teacher Julie and her husband Bruz, also very nice. Whilst there, we went to the Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro, Alabama. This has been a dream of mine for years. It’s the only one in the country. And it’s not on the beaten track. This is another “I did it so you don’t have to.” You are welcome.
It is the place that things that get left on the plane and baggage that gets lost and just can’t find its people go as well as things that fall off trucks and stuff like that (seems there was another category but it’s been too long and that info didn’t make the transfer from short to long term memory). There are deals to be had. I have a nice Kindle for $15 + $1.50 for the cord. (There were PILES of Kindles.) There was, oddly, very little luggage. But sporting goods, bathing suits, jeans, gowns? Plenty.
I have been to better consignment/thrift shops—matter of fact, the Goodwill in Scottsboro is right down the street and it is awesome. I bought the skirt I am wearing right now there—for $3. I got a nice pair of jeans at Unclaimed Baggage for $4.50 I think and a pair of earrings (new) for $12 or $15. I wouldn’t go out of my way to go back, but it’s a check off on the bucket list, which made it worth the trip.
✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔
“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.” – Anthony Bourdain
